Antwoord: Ik weet precies hoe jij je voelt

Translation by chatGPT:

Koos lost the love of his life and found a way out that can support others in their loss. In this grim corona year, it can happen that you lose a loved one, your job, your assignment, or your volunteer work. And that can weigh heavily on your well-being.

Since July 9, 2020, Koos Groenewoud has been an 'apprentice widower' and shares his experiences, aiming to break the silence about loss that the world around you hesitates to offer condolences for. "On July 9, 2020," says Koos, "I lost Jannie Groenewoud-van Dorp, the love of my life. Fortunately, I have been able to write about the loss surrounding Jannie's death. The same thing happened to one of my best friends. Luckily, I can talk to him a lot about it."

Diffuse loss

"Loss takes many forms. For example, when you lose your job or when you cannot have children. When one of your parents slowly develops dementia or when you have a multiply disabled child. It is diffuse loss. Loss that is not easily offered condolences for but still weighs on your life and joy. It seems common that you are not allowed to mourn this kind of loss for long in this hectic world where success and achievement are embraced more often than loss. It feels like failure.

However, dealing well with loss makes a big difference in the quality of your future life. And not only for the one experiencing the loss but also from a broader perspective, especially in the way companies and organizations deal with employees experiencing grief. There is still a lot to learn in the Netherlands."

Attention from leaders and colleagues

"If leaders and colleagues do not pay attention to your loss," says Koos, "it can have a significant impact on, among other things, the duration of sick leave. I would like to say to all managers, take it on, do something about it. I also noticed during my mourning period that people avoided me, and, even more, friends and family with whom Jannie and I had been close for years suddenly stopped reaching out. Furthermore, I realize that in addition to people avoiding you, there are also people who, with the best intentions, say things that have the opposite effect. For example, saying 'I know exactly how you feel' to a bereaved person when you are not a bereaved person yourself. You can't say that to a caregiver or a cancer patient if you are not a fellow sufferer. By the way, you should never say 'it will be okay' and 'get well soon' to the latter group. In our case, Jannie said, 'I won't get better anymore, I am out of treatment.' I'd rather have someone say 'I don't know what to say, but can I help you with something?'

It's also not easy to offer condolences

"In the past," Koos notes, "when I picked up the phone to offer condolences to someone, I also felt that the threshold to offer condolences was high. Which words do you use then? Jannie and I were not always able to support those people who deserved support and attention. I see now what is happening to me, and I realize, widows and widowers are not contagious. Go to them, talk to them, or call them. Besides losing their loved ones, don't let them lose family members, friends, and acquaintances. You will see that they all appreciate it. They need it!"

Hoi Koos,
iemand tipte mij op onderstaand blog van Lisanne van Sadelhoff in de Intermediar. Sluit mooi aan op jouw blog!

www.intermediair.nl/werk-en-carriere/op-...e-ogen-van-collega-s